A Hidden Identity.

A face is completely visible to the human eye, but covered by an invisible mask. Behind it withholds insecurities, secrets, lies, truths, a person. No eye can physically see this barrier and never will. It's not a permanent article to wear, but there is no expiration date as to how long it will be on thy face. This shield of protection covers up and hides the real self of many around, conceals one's face from recognition, and helps the performance of life. All have put on this mask for a reason, whether it be good or bad. But a mask steals the real identity of a person and turns them into something fake, pretend, and unreal. Many end up losing who they are and becoming something they are not. A face once familiar to humans is one that is no longer realized by those who knew it. It consumes them entirely- mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Being born with this is impossible, but once old enough to grab ahold onto it, many can put on this mask easily. The intense and satisfying feeling felt once it has been put on is indescribable. The masks molds itself around you, making it impossible to take off when you want to. It instantaneously feels so natural and seemless. The power it holds is so strong, that it can destroy- destroy the mind, the heart, the thoughts, and the person. Sometimes this power goes to one's head and makes them a completely different person. Many find comfort from this mask because they are scared, scared of how the world may view them. The world may be a hard critic, but the hardest critic of them all is yourself. If you can't love yourself for who you are, then others wont be able to either. Letting this mask get a grasp on you can cause damage to your overall being. Be strong and find comfort within. Think of this, do you want to be remembered for who you are or what people thought you were?

One's Heart According to Love.

The heart is vitale to the human being. To many, its how they feel, love, breathe. To others, it helps them make the biggest decisions of their lives. "Follow your heart," is the common phrase we hear when we're stuck in what we think is a tough situation dealing with life or love. Most apply this phrase when love is in reach or when the heart feels a strain- thinking its broken. Well we can never truly experience a real broken heart but you can feel the pain when all falls down around you. Love can be the downfall of some but also "the best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach out for more; that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." (Nicholas Sparks)


"Poets often describe love as an emotion that we cant control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense." (Nicholas Sparks) Love is the strongest emotion and once you have it, you cant ever let it go. Its stuck with you for the rest of your life, and if its for one person, its hard to lose it. That feeling you have developed will grow and if you really do love, it wont fade, it will only keep growing. True love, finally being understood to me, means that you care for another's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. I feel as if everything around you doesn't matter anymore but that one who has captured your heart, taken your breath away, and has made you weak at the knees. To sum up love, in my view, is impossible and indescribable. Even your own heart cant exactly figure it out and that's what makes it so appealing to many. Love challenges you and makes you do things that are out of your comfort zone, causing a rush of emotions that doesn't make sense. Thinking straight is out of the question; common sense, gone; all emotions are uncontrollable.

What makes this so real is that once you've experienced love, words cant even describe your feelings. Honestly love means something different for each person. Not one person views love in the same way as i do; there might be bits and pieces that people agree with but most of the time, everyone isn't the same. Expressing love is shown in many shapes and forms- words, actions, feelings, art- but no one can truly show how they feel. Just sitting here thinking about this makes me go insane. Describing love and the way the heart is according to love is difficult beyond belief. I cant read between the lines for everything but i can somehow explain how i see it and view it. I will never fully understand and comprehend this complex topic, but i know that love make's the world go round. Without it, humans wouldn't feel, breathe, or love. Does this sound familiar? Love in many ways is just like the heart: vitale to the human being. Understanding love would mean understanding the heart: this being complex and impossible.

So here's to love! Oh how you slay us and yet bring happiness upon us.

Senior Year.

One word: Senioritis. This crippling disease affects almost all of those who dare to call themselves High School Seniors. This epidemic brings laziness upon all who catch this fast growing disease, and can be the downfall of many final grades. Many who catch it, never return to normal.

As one of those who has picked up this so called "disease," i sure can state that i didn't start off with it. But once you hear talk about Graduation, your future is bound to encounter this problem. Personally, I caught this disease in the beginning of the year, but not to its full potential. I slowly eased into it as the year progressed and now it has taken over my whole thought process and body. I cannot escape the tight grip it has around me and i know that i will never be rid of it until i start my college life. I guarantee i will see this thing in my near future when i am nearing the end of my college pursuits.

Now many assume that one's whole senior lifestyle is to take blow off classes, enjoy those last time high school events, and graduate, but for me, it was totally different.

Going into my Senior year, i wanted to take those harder classes that challenged me (sickening, right?). Looking back on that, I'm proud of myself and i know much more now than i ever thought i would. Also, i went in with the mindset that i was going to do everything i could possibly do that involved school events, or fun. I can say that i successfully succeeded! And lastly, i will walk down that aisle on June 3rd, with my diploma in hand, and will most likely cry as i leave everything i once knew and have known for the past 15 years of my life at PCA.

It honestly seems like just yesterday i was getting my senior class schedule and talking to all my friends to see if we had any classes together. And then i blinked. BAM! In 29 days (including weekends and those days i will be missing) i will be graduating. Everything went by so fast and its somewhat sad to me that it all went by so fast. I feel like i still have so much more to do, learn and accomplish in my life, but I'm ready. I'm ready to move on and start fresh. As weird and crazy as that sounds, i am.

So here's some advice to all who are still in high school that i wish i had given to me:
1) Don't stress on the little things that will get thrown at you. You'll end up missing something important that could be useful to your life.
2) You'll lose friends and gain friends. Keep those who are worth it close to you and put forth all your effort to make that relationship last. For those friends you loose touch with, let them go. If its meant to last, it will but don't put too much effort into something that will turn sour and waste your time. If they are getting you into too much trouble, it might be time to let them go.
3) DO NOT change for anyone! Stick to your true self. People will like you for who you are! If they don't, again, they aren't worth it.
4) Put your focus on positive things. Don't dwell on the negative or else things will end up bad.
5) Everything happens for a reason!

To me, those are the five things i wish i had told to me to get me through my high school years. And obviously, i learned from my mistakes and i will take my own advice to heart. So here's to the Seniors all across the world, Go get em tigers :)

Failure.

Failing can be the downfall of many peoples day. The pit of your stomach feels like its dropping down out of you and your heart completely stops. Your gasping for air and your wondering why you didn't do too hot on that one thing. The day seems to turn gloomy and everything feels like its all crashing down on you. Basically, you can say that from that one fail, its the worst day of your life. That might be true at the moment in time, but i highly doubt its the worst day you have ever experienced.

That was my mindset earlier this day when i was given back my Calculus test. I was dreading the handing back of the tests because i knew that i didn't do so well. Well, my gut was correct and upon receiving my test grade, i laughed hysterically. I had completely failed it. Now, the plus side is that my teacher adds ten points onto it because its a "college" class, but at my school it doesn't count as an AP class. So if those ten points weren't added on, i would've passed by one point, and to my dad, that's failing; to me, that's almost failing. Luckily, I've gotten over it but i know for a fact that my dad will not let me get over this grade. Oh well...

Well, failing is apart of life and without it we wouldn't learn from it. So its good to have those little failures in our lives cause it shows us that were not perfect and the last perfect man died on the cross. So here's to you failures, for teaching us a lesson in life!

A Weekend Warrior.

Weekend Warriors dominate fun and always come out victorious. That's exactly what I accomplished this past weekend with studying for my AP Government exam, my cousin's 6th birthday, and the nasty, glooooooomy weather we encountered on Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon.



Let's start off with Friday, every one's favorite day of the week because we can sleep in the next day! As soon as that school bell rang to get out of 7th hour, i bolted out to my car and headed off to the tanning beds to get my tan on. :) After my fake n' bake time, i went home and took a nap until i heard the voice of my best friend Logan. I preceded to wake up and we decided to sit in my comfy bed and talk about many numerous things that had been going on. We later ventured off to the sporting world of Dick's to find my softball self a mit of my very own. Upon buying our sports goods, we then headed off to go rent the movie, It's Complicated. Oh boy, was that an interesting and looooonnnngggg movie... i couldn't wait to go off to bed and sleep because i had a busy and long studying day ahead of me on Saturday.



Bzzzzzzzzzz... Well, there is my alarm and i guess its time for me to get up and get ready for my 6 HOUR review for government. Goodness! That coming out of my mouth scares me and i promises you that it'll be the death of me for sure. Six hours of studying and trying to remember everything Ive gone over throughout the year of gov?! Wooowww. It was crazy insane and my head was pounding for the rest of the day. Plus, later that night being surrounded by little ones between the age of 2-6, priceless. That just put the cherry on top of the sundae for sure. But honestly, all of those kids are adorable and i would give up any Saturday just to be around them and play with them. Once that whole Birthday party was over with, my family and i decided to hit the road and make our way homeward bound.



Sunday. I feel like such a sinner for not attending church but man was i worn out from the past two days. I needed a break, plus my rest was much needed for my test coming up on Monday, which was today (My AP exam is another topic for another day). For me, it was a lazy Sunday that all weekend warriors need at one point in their weekend extravaganza. I watched a few movies on TV like The Guardian. I completely forgot how amazing and touching that movie is. I think i can now call it one of my many favorites. So after i decided to be a bum all day, i did do something productive... i caught up on my 24 episodes that i missed the past two weeks! I have an obsession with that show and i strongly advice you to get hooked on that series because its soooo action packed and suspenseful; it will always keep you guess and on your toes, just like any weekend warrior should.



Being a weekend warrior takes a lot of skill and dedication, and one cant just be born with that, You must train and challenge yourself daily and then you will know when you have become a wonderful, outstanding, incredible, stupendous weekend warrior.



Weekends are for the warriors!

Being A Kid.

Remember when you were little and everything was carefree and fun? You had all the freedom in the world to just be yourself and imagine that you could be and do anything. You would look up to those who were older and would always try to be like them. Looking back now, its the best feeling in the world and when you grow older, you tend to forget what its like to be a kid again. That's just what i felt yesterday when i decided to take a step back in time.

The McDonald's Playplace. One of thee greatest places every kid wants to go to play and let loose. I know that i always enjoyed my trips to McDonald's just so i could go play in the playplace. Mom's rule was always to eat my food before i went off and ventured on my own into the magical wonders of the playplace. Once i would scarf down my food, i would sprint and start climbing up the huge, or what seemed to be huge at the time, platforms. I would climb so fast up there that once i was there, i felt utterly free and i then could imagine i was anything: astronaut, pilot, jungle traveler, or anything else creative i would dream up. Then looking down from the high heights of the playscape, i would then imagine the ground as being lava and i couldn't come down until i had to return down to go home. Now, i don't know if I'm just the only one who dreams these little escapades up, but from what i experienced yesterday, I'm not the only one.

Our softball team decided to stop and eat after our tough loss against the University of Ligget, obviously one of the places being McDonald's. As we all piled in the fast food restaurant, I spotted the glorious playplace 15 feet away. Instantaneously, my eyes grew big and i knew that i was going to be spending my time in there (note that I'm 18, so this probably isn't the best idea). The one rule i didn't have to follow was eat all my food before playing, because i was planning on eating later at Boston Market. So i grabbed LeeAnne and we darted off to the wondrous place of fun. We obviously struggled a tad getting up those little (funny, right? remember when i said i thought they were huge?) platforms but we eventually made our way to the top and explored the general area. Among our exploration, we came across these two little boys, around the age of 7, who were playing with their kids meal toy and making those "zooming" noises a boy would make. They spotted us and then presumed to look at us curiously. From the looks on their faces, you could tell that they rarely see two adult girls ever in their territory. If you have ever noticed though, little kids will easily grow to older kids who are willing to be like them, so they had no problems accepting us and considering us "little kids." Before we knew it, we were climbing those platforms, crawling through the tunnels, and sliding down that winding slide numerous times. I again experienced that feeling of complete freedom to be whatever i wanted to be in that playplace, but also doing what the other kids wanted me to do.

It's funny how quick they attach themselves to you. By the end of our dining, i had been looked up to by several little kids, all who loved the fact that by just playing with them, they felt comfortable to be themselves and not let anything bother them that was before. That feeling is hard to lose, especially when little kids can have that big of an effect on you!

Going away from that experience, i know i made those kids day by just playing with them and i couldn't feel any better about that. Being a kid is something i miss being, but i know that i will always have a part of me that will want to be "little" and carefree. So here's to being a kid! Don't let the kid inside of you ever go away :)


http://http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/home.html

Me Without Sleep.

Yes, i have gotten used to the re-occurring problem of little sleep, but you would think that after awhile i would just grow used to constantly being a zombie.


Well, today was just one of those days where my lack of shut eye and waking up numerous times to the wandering of my mind happened to determine how my day would go...


6:35: My alarm goes off to get up for school. I presumed to hit the dismiss button and try and get 15 more minutes of sleep.



6:45: I crawl out of bed and make my way to my bright and colorful bathroom down the hall.



6:50-7:10ish: I beautify myself for school.



7:12: I must follow the school dress code, so i search my mess of a room for the clean school clothes i do have around.



7:17: Walking down the stairs and making my way to the kitchen, I finally get everything together for my "lovely" soon to be day at school.



Now here comes the favorite time of my day- Driving to school with loud music playing.

There is a part of me that feels extremely calm and tranquil when I'm listening to the songs i have playing on my iPod. The words, beats, voices- all ease me into my happy state, the one place of escape from the craziness and busyness of this hectic world.



Upon arriving at school, i pull myself together and mentally prepare for the 7 hour day ahead, and what wonders it will hold. Now here's where i went wrong in my thinking... Wonders that my day will hold. Little did i know that the day of April 29, 2010, would bring that feeling of brokenness and frustration and disappointment.



2nd hour. The time where it all began. My calculus test had slightly slipped my mind so i was cramming in the unfamiliar and confusing information that we had learned for the past couple of days. I needed all the help i could get for this test so i asked my fellow average calculus friends to help teach me the area underneath a curve. While doing so, someone sparked a talk and i began to indulge in the heated argument. One thing lead to another and i went insane. My tone of voice grew louder and i felt my body starting to tense up and get hot. Long story short, people don't quite understand certain things in my life and why i strongly dislike past situations i had been put in with sports. Some just don't see the whole story of it and assume certain things when they don't know the truth. Does that sound familiar in life?



3rd hour brought that dreaded calc test. I can tell you for a fact that i knew almost nothing that was displayed on that piece of paper. I tried my hardest, with every ounce of me, but i couldn't fight the tears and frustration that was building up inside of me. A few flowed out and i then wiped them away and took a deep breath. "It's just one test Michaela. Keep trying and you'll figure some things out. Don't worry." My mind can be so much stronger than me sometimes. If only i could carry that out in my actions and life...



Throughout the day, i started to mellow down and just relax. I looked at things and realized that there is so much more to life than stressing and worrying about the stupidest stuff. Life is a gift and so is everything else given to us.



From that perspective, i turned it around and went home to just chill. I went straight up and took a baby cat nap for about 15 minutes. I then woke up to the sound of my best friend's voice calling my name. Joyfulness and happiness filled me. Anytime i can see her or hang out with her just gives me more courage to live life to the fullest. We're completely alike and we have grown to love each other for our little flaws and quirks. We proceeded to relax and then later accompanied each other to youth group to learn and listen to what God had in store for us that night: the power of sex and how far is too far. (Sorry, but I'm not getting into this...)



One small thing can change the way your whole day can go. Like in my life, lack of sleep. But even though one small itty bitty problem like sleep seems so big to me, its honestly nothing i cant overcome.



So here's to you lack of sleep, for i will conquer you!